Even the alpha can't do everything alone
by fanficarelifeforever
Summary: Derek has been dealing with a lot of things lately. He hurts himself and he doesn't know how to stop anymore. Can his pack help him? More importantly can Stiles help him?. Sterek. Trigger warning: suicidal thoughts and self harm.


Even the alpha can't do everything alone.

Chapter: 1 Stiles finds out

Third p.o.v

Not many people knew how Derek hale felt. They saw him as grumpy but they wouldn't see the overwhelming sadness behind those eyes. He felt hopeless, alone, worthless and pathetic.

He has been this way since he found out about the fire, hell he has been this way since Paige died. He felt like everything was his fault. He needed a distraction from everything he was going through.

He needed all the emotional pain to go away, to hurt like he hurt others. To punish himself.

He started cutting not long after the death of his first love, but it didn't really feel like anything because of his powers. It would hurt a bit but heal in seconds.

When he turned into an alpha everything changed. A cut from and alfa doesn't heal fast. It just heals like normal people would heal.

Everyday Derek would go to his old destroyed house and sit there thinking, crying and hating himself. The voices would become too loud and he would unsheathed his claws and scratch his arm open.

Stiles P.O.V

Scott ran towards Stiles. "sorry that I'm-"

"late? Again. Seriously what s with you werewolf, all those super powers and still never on time." I laughed.

"all you werewolves?" Scott questioned while jumped into the jeep.

"yep, Derek is also late. We were supposed to meet at my house at 9pm its almost 10pm now." I started the car and drove away. "uhm stiles where were we going again?"

I sighed "does anybody listen to a word I say? We were going to the hospital. There was a body found with claw marks all over it. But now you are going to the hospital to take picture of the body and my going to pick up Mr. hale." I stopped the jeep before the hospital.

"the body is in the morgue. If you can find it take a picture of the damage and try to pick up a smell from the werewolf that did this." Scott stepped out of the car. "and who put you in charge?" he chuckled

"well you could've voted. But you were too late." Scott ran towards the hospital as I drove away to Derek's old house.

Derek's p.o.v:

I fell tired to the ground. I was hit by one of the hunters in the wood.

I pulled out the arrow and watched my leg heal. I sighed. After almost all my family died I had to do everything around here. Protect the other werewolves from the hunters. Protect my uncle and my sister. Protect Scott and his pack. Manage everything on my own.

 _I failed my mother. I failed everyone. I'm not a good enough alpha. Not a good enough friend. I'm not good enough._

I put my claws on my arm and ripped the skin apart.

I could finally breath again. As I watched the blood flow I didn't focus on anything. Not on the emotional pain, not on my mistakes. I didn't feel my anxiety.

I closed my eyes and laid back against the wall. I began to feel dizzy, _did I hit a vein? I don't really care if I did. Who would miss me_

I suddenly heard a faint voice " WTF Derek. Derek please stay with me." ow its Stiles.

 _Omg its Stiles. He can't see me like this._ I panicked. "go away" I hissed.

I felt the dizziness go away and felt more okay now.  
"Derek? Who did this to you?" Stiles asked and tried to look me in the eye.

"shouldn't it have been healed by now?" he asked. I didn't say anything.

Stiles began to ramble

"the only times I've seen werewolves heal so slow is when they were attacked by alphas… but there aren't any alphas here right now, except for you maybe. And what alpha would only cut there"

The suddenly he stopped and looked at me with very sad eyes. He grabbed my arm, I winched. He looked at my hand. My claws were still bloody and he knew.

"Stiles, I-it's not what it looks like." I paused

"Derek, you did this to yourself. How can you hurt yourself like that?" he was still holding my hand and I had tears in my eyes. _Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't fucking cry._

"I-I deserve it." I almost whispered.

"no you don't. you absolutely don't. your amazing. You always help everyone, you are kind and thoughtful. You don't deserve this. People care about you" I began to cry

Stiles tried to hug me but I pulled away. "what would you know about me. about this?! Just go away." I snapped

Stiles sat down before me. he sighed and pulled up his sleeve. His arm was full of scars that were completely healed and some angry red scars that were fresh.

"I would know everything about this. About how it 'helps'. But it doesn't really help. It makes you feel distant from everyone. It makes you even more disappointed. It makes you feel better in the moment and makes everything worse after that."

I was speechless. "come on stand up, sour wolf" I stood up and followed Stiles to his jeep. "I can't bring you to the hospital but I can bring the hospital to you."

he smiled as he grabbed a first aid kit. We went back inside and he sat me down onto my bed.

"why are you so kind to me. I'm always so mean and distant. And I don't deserve your help or your kindness. I don't understand… I don't underst-" he grabbed my arm and disinfected it. I winced. Then he bandaged it.

"you are kind to me. you help my every day to try not to hurt myself. You can make me smile without trying. You deserve more than you think" Stiles said.

"thank you." I said softly.

I yawned, after this emotional rollercoaster I am too tired to do anything.

"you should try to take some rest. You lost a lot of blood and you also went through a lot today."

He said while I laid down on my bed. He stood up

"please don't leave me yet" I said almost too soft to be heard.

"what? I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you" I grabbed his arm and pulled him into my bed. "please stay with me just for a while." He smiled softly. "of course"


End file.
